Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
