i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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