woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize