I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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