I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
