Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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