he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize