I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
