hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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