WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
