The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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