I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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