My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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