Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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