Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
