I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
