Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
