You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
