do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
