I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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