They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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