glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
