I smell stomach acid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
