then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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