the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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