I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
