Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He shit in the fireplace
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
