make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
