I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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