turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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