at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
