I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
