hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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