Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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