she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
