did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
