Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Someone came in the potted fern
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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