Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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