sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
