Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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