Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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