i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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