My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
