I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
