Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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