I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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