something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
