They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
