It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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