that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
