Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
