I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
