I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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