I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
