3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
