some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
