I'm really into asian looking animals
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
