Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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