Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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