Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
