your parents love me but you hate me
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize