it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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