You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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