Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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