theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
