So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
