Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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