So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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