I just threw up on my dentist
i think i have herpe
just one?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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