too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
