don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
