bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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