I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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