my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
