its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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