I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize