Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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