I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
