Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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