I wish I could teleport
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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