Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
