everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize