He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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