Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
