Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
not ubering you a puppy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
